Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
