Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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