Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
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Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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