So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
