She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
