Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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