If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
