guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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