im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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