So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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