Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
