I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
