I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
