first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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