yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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