Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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