This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
