Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
