im about as happy as oj after his trial
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
