I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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