I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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