I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
