I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
