he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
