i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
