Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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