no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
