I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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