I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
