why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
