I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
