i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bring me that man meat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
