We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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