I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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