Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
how drunk are you?
Several
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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