tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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the liver wants what the liver wants
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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