are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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