just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
