oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
