Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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