woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
