and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
