but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
