imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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