i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
