we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
