Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
