Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
