My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
