I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
