woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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