That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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