I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do herpes really smell.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
