Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
