I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
