I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Everything about him screamed your future.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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