I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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