my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
