Non-Jews are for practice
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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