I just saw a hot homeless man
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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