i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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